“There is a great sense of responsibility in being the recipient of someone’s story,” explains Derek, a Program Officer for Intake.
As the first point of contact for individuals reaching out for support, Intake Officers play a unique role at Rainbow Railroad, building trust and supporting people who may be choosing to disclose their identity for the first time. In this capacity, they may be the first person to hear someone’s story the way they want to tell it, to validate their truth, and to offer a space where trust can start to form. On National Coming Out Day, we’re shedding light on the conversations and moments of connection that occur in the intake process.
“There is a great sense of responsibility in being the recipient of someone’s story,” explains Derek, a Program Officer for Intake. Intake conversations are not just administrative steps; they are moments of profound courage, where individuals may share experiences they’ve never spoken aloud before. With compassion and a trauma-informed approach, Intake Officers meet each person where they are, centering their unique stories and empowering them with the information they need to make their own decisions about what comes next.
Coming Out as a Risk and a Reality for Many LGBTQI+ People
Milo, a Program Officer for Intake, reflects on the conversations they have had with individuals in this position. Milo notes that, for many people requesting help, coming out can be a point of trauma:
“It’s important to remember that for a lot of individuals reaching out for support, their ‘coming out’ hasn’t been a choice they made, but an outing that was done to them by a family or community member. It’s often not even just a singular event.”
Of individuals who disclosed safety concerns when reaching out to Rainbow Railroad in 2024, 76% reported experiencing community rejection and 70% reported experiencing family rejection. It’s often the case that, for these individuals, having their identity exposed has put them in danger. They may live in fear of an outing, and coming out has either not felt possible or has made them vulnerable to persecution or violence.
“A lot of people reaching out to us are in situations where anyone around them finding out about their identity would expose them to violence, or they have already been exposed to violence because their identity, which they’ve worked to keep secret, was discovered,” Milo explains.
Building Trust in the First Conversation
For LGBTQI+ people at risk, disclosing their identity can jeopardize their safety, and Intake Officers themselves are acutely aware of the trust that this entails.
“I aim to create a comfortable space for them to share their stories,” says Milo, “I thank them for telling me about their experiences. Sometimes, I ‘come out’ to them in return, hoping that identifying myself as a queer and trans person will build trust.”
Derek describes his approach to these conversations, explaining, “When a person decides to reach out to Rainbow Railroad and share their story, we want them to know that we are taking the time to understand them, acknowledge the life events that they are sharing with us, and communicate appreciation and solidarity for the difficult decision they made to share their story with us and ask for help.”
Because individuals connect with Intake Officers virtually, there can be additional challenges in establishing trust.
“One way that we create a virtual safe space is to ensure that our case work approach is to lead with curiosity and with the intention of understanding,” Derek says, “We try our best to provide context to why we are asking certain questions so that there is transparency in our process to hopefully decrease the chances of further traumatization in the act of sharing their experiences as a LGBTQI+ person.”
Respecting Language, Identity, and Cultural Nuance
Coming out also presents challenges in terms of what labels an individual may use, which may not always be consistent across different cultures and languages. When submitting a request for help, individuals select a label for their identity from a menu. For Milo, it’s important, in conversation with the people they support, to provide the opportunity for people to describe their identity in their own words:
“We realize that selecting a label from a menu can never be fully inclusive, and it doesn’t account for the nuances in how a specific individual uses a specific label. When I talk to someone, I give space for them to describe their identity in as much detail as they want to share.”
Derek expands on this idea, explaining, “We do not want to force someone into Westernized categories of language if it does not match how they would describe their identity. We can acknowledge someone’s use of language, and then ask additional questions to better understand what that language means for them.”
National Coming Out Day as a Moment of Solidarity
Many staff at Rainbow Railroad bring their own lived experience to their work, and it’s through the window of their own identities that they may connect with someone or understand their story. “As a LGBTQI+ person, I know that coming out does not happen only once in our lives and the process of coming out can hold many different emotions and purposes,” Derek shares, “Sometimes the act of coming out or being visible is a celebration, and other times it comes with the weight of recalling moments of distress or assessing if my social or physical safety is at risk.”
National Coming Out Day is an important time to consider what coming out may look like around the world, and also to understand what it means at this moment in our shared history. Derek reflects on his relationship to National Coming Out Day today, as an opportunity for solidarity with our global community:
“Especially now, as we all are watching how LGBTQI+ people are being scapegoated and targeted around the world, National Coming Out Day is an important day for those who are able to share their truths to connect the larger community of LGBTQI+ people around the world and show that we have always been here and we aren’t going anywhere.”